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Review:Demo 1

Back in the late 90’s, my good friend, known to the community as “Timmy”, and I would search the Internet for hours on end for OHRRPGCE games. Back then, you would be surprised as to what kinds of games you could find out there on random web pages. Some, well, most, games we found were generally bad. However, we did have fun (or made fun) with them regardless.

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One such game was titled Demo 1. Was that the official title? I’m not sure, but we were never able to find information on the game itself or the author, and there was no documentation bundled with the game. The only thing we knew was that the RPG filed was called “Demo1.rpg”. Honestly though, no documentation was needed, because the game is over before you know it and most people would likely rather have diarrhea than have to play this game.

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With that being said, let us move on to the “meat” of the review, if you want to call it that. As I mentioned before, this game is very short. In fact, if it wasn’t for the longer-than-necessary battles, the game would be over in a matter of minutes. Booting up Demo1.RPG will greet you with the infamous old-style sandsea.bmp that veteran OHRRPGCE members should recognize. Seriously, it is one thing to use the dreaded sandsea background as a title screen, but when you don’t even take the time to add a title or something to it? You’ve got to be kidding me! If you can stomach it, press the enter key to move on. Keep in mind though, it gets worse from here.

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You begin the game as Anarac, a strapping young man whose walkabout resembles an overweight Lego. There is not much to do but follow the poorly-mapped pathway leading to a small house seemingly built of legos as well. Inside the home, you will meet Agatha the Nun, who isn’t even supposed to be in the game yet. She even has a sword “for you only” to boot. A battle-Nun and a free sword; can’t beat that. Turning to your right, you will meet Rachel, who also does not come into to the game until later either. Good to know I guess. Lastly, you meet Adrianna. However, it seems that Anarac is starting to get upset at the amount of free help he is receiving, but decides to enlist her regardless.

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Back outside, there is only one place that you can go; to the end of the road. Muster up your courage and prepare to face Brett and his cohorts. Who is Brett? Apparently a Gold Goblin (called Golbin) dead set on breaking your face. Fear not, for you will have elixirs (that do nothing), an arsenal of magic (Tier 5 spells? Good lord.) and Rachel (she is terrible) at your disposal. Luckily, Brett and his minions prove not to be much of a match and you are declared victorious. Congratulations, you have beaten Demo 1.

What!

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Yep, that is where the game ends. The funny thing is that someone out there in the world uploaded this demo to a site, and was obviously proud of it. Honestly, even though Demo1.rpg will always hold a nostalgic place in my heart, I despise it for many reasons. This game is terrible, period. There is no story, four different maptiles, stupid characters, annoying Final Fantasy music, and only minutes of gameplay.

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On a more serious note, there should have been a disclaimer with this game. Timmy lost hours of his childhood to this game. I remember him coming to school and telling me, “I beat Demo 1 five times this morning, and will beat it five more times when I get home” and laughing hysterically down the hall. His “illness” went on to haunt him for months (I kid you not), and every day he would tell me about playing Demo 1. I don’t think he enjoyed playing the game, I think he felt like he must play it for some reason. Maybe this game should be “outlawed” like the fabled arcade game Polybius? Have I opened Pandora’s Box with this review? All I can say is good thing that I am medicated now, else I may have fallen victim to Demo 1 as well.

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